by Wendy Strgar March 04, 2007
In a little clapboard farmhouse in New Bedford, NY, a dominatrix reigned. The website www.sovereignestate.com (the site is no longer up) described her activities “Situated on four private acres, in a century old stately manor, here life is devoted to female superiority, proper training and etiquette for the betterment of men.” Her alphabetical list of activities she enjoyed included blindfolds, candle wax, dacryphilia (arousal from tears), doctor/nurse fetishes and rack/medieval devices. The New York times reported this story and her recent arrest on Friday, March 2nd.
The neighbors were mortified as you might expect of this upper class neighborhood shared by celebrity residents like Martha Stewart and Ralph Lauren. The rumors of a dominatrix in their midst created quite the buzz locally. I guess the police staked the place out for a couple of months recording license plates, not unlike the raids early in this century on extremely popular brothels with 25-50% of the male population in the town visiting multiple times.
Prostitution and brothels have existed for thousands of years in some form. I didn’t actually realize it was still illegal, although only a misdemeanor. Probably she was arrested because she set up shop in such an exclusive neighborhood and who knows what she was charging in that stately manor…
The story’s shock appeal is that this kind of sexual behavior isn’t supposed to happen in those good neighborhoods. So here is the question- Is it ok to live out fantasies with people who offer these kind of services? Many people can’t even acknowledge the place where fantasy lives in them, let alone share it with their partner. Does our silencing of what is probably inherent in all of us create the need for services like this to exist?
by Wendy Strgar May 22, 2018
There is no time like long summer nights to cultivate our uniquely, profoundly human capacity for pleasure, especially sexual pleasure. Our pleasure response transforms our relationship to each other and even to life itself. Focusing on pleasure not only changes how we see our opportunities for intimate connection, but also invites us into a deeper relationship with our erotic soul.
by Wendy Strgar May 17, 2018
It becomes hard to trust your own thinking when nothing seems to be working. The space between how I thought it would go and how it is going seems to widen in front of my eyes. Maybe most difficult of all is how often the undesirable outcomes around us spill over into our relationships, both at home and at work. An errant comment too easily turns into an argument. I become blind to my impact on people around me, caught up in the unresolved problems surrounding me. During times like these, we often underestimate the power of the choices we make and how it can create a path back towards what’s working or down the slippery slope of self-destruction, which my husband affectionately calls “flirting with the gutter.”
Here is my short list to making it better when it isn’t working at all. Each one helps you do the next one, so start at the beginning and work your way down.
by Wendy Strgar May 03, 2018