“A man who works with his hands is a laborer; a man who works with his hands and his brain is a craftsman; but a man who works with his hands and his brain and his heart is an artist.”
One of the most powerful, yet rarely considered gifts we bring to our capacity for love is right in our hands – literally. Sir Charles Bell wrote, “The human hand is so beautifully formed, its actions are so powerful, so free and yet so delicate that there is no thought of its complexity as an instrument; we use it as we draw our breath, unconsciously.” Nowhere is this perhaps more true than in the archaic, almost prehistoric manner that we often touch each other intimately.
The pawing and groping that is often associated with teenage passionate sexual discovery is often not replaced with the subtle and sweeping capacity of touch that the hands hold as we age for two reasons.
- The first is because many of us never become really comfortable with our ability to touch; even ourselves sexually.
- This often leads to the second reason: we never really learn how to use our hands to touch others in the many ways they are capable.
Hand exploration – using not just finger tips, but palms, knuckles, and even the webbings between your fingers – all create different textures and sensations. Likewise, there are many more erogenous zones on a person’s body beyond the genitalia. Listed as primary, secondary and tertiary zones in ancient tantric texts, places like the temples, the anatomy of the ear, the nape of the neck and even the nose each carries a remarkable number of neuron receptors that will both capture your partner’s attention and surprise both of you by the stirring they generate.
Introducing a variety of different kinds of touches to intimate play is like adding high octane fuel to your usual moves. I am not sure where the block was created for so many women who believe that touching themselves while their man is also caressing or kissing them is off limits, but no one ever really made up that rule. We were just self-conscious teenagers who thought it would be impolite.
Also adding different kinds of hand pressure on a male member that you are also kissing is totally fair game. Experiment with light butterfly fingers or firm circular pressure that starts at the base of the penis and slowly moves upward.
Exploring the multitude of techniques in how to touch is actually coursework. Sexologists aren’t just people who talk with you about your sex life. Some of them are certified as sexological body workers who actually teach you the massage techniques (both solo and as a couple).
If you aren’t ready to get on a table and explore professionally, you may at least want to listen to one of the best in the field. She taught me a great deal about the many ways that expanding your ability to both touch and feel sexually opens you to changes in much deeper parts of your life.
One of the best books I have ever read on the topic is Jaiya's Red Hot Touch: A Head-to-Toe Handbook for Mind-Blowing Orgasms. I can already testify that after trying just a few of her tips, her book is gold mine of easy-to-understand and easier still to implement techniques that will change how you think about the love your hands are capable of creating.