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Sex Today

Well, it made it to the front page of most newspapers again today, the governor of New York was caught in a sting of an elite, top priced prostitute ring. On the day before Valentine’s Day, no less. His career in a shambles, “Mr Clean” as he was referred to for his corruption fighting administration has fallen among the rest of us mortals. It probably won’t be the end of his career, I mean after all it was only 8 short years ago, that Hilary was the wronged wife and now look at her- putting on the pants in the family to bring the commander in chief role home again… Only a few political pundits are recalling the shame of it all with cartoons of Bill kissing another woman in front of her- Hilary’s comment, “It’s ok if she is a super delegate.”

It’s weird the shock and dismay we express when our leaders act like us. Even if you just count the numbers in pornography viewers, dollars spent, time consumed, we are a sexually frustrated nation to say the least. Match these numbers against the number of sexually satisfied partners and the picture gets really dismal. I mean the governor has a nice looking wife of many years, three teenage daughters, how come he wasn’t with her planning a Valentines day tryst? What is the story about Bill and Hillary anyway, did they just forget about it? Do they share a bed or a room? Why do we keep acting like nothing happened?

In fact something is happening in our sex lives today, they are being co-opted by mainstream media which blurs with pornography in advertising, music and television all the time. Surrounded by all that sex, still the number one question that I get all the time is about how to keep the passion going in a long term relationship. We are disappointed that the sexuality that we share in our daily relationships doesn’t sizzle like the kind we see everywhere. We use our sex lives as the barometer of whether the relationship is working or not and bail with out considering why.

I was just sent a book to review and the publisher after seeing my Good Clean Love work thought I would want to see another title they just published called Porn Star Secrets of Sex. In the introduction she compares porn stars to the likes of Susan B. Anthony and Margaret Mead. If we were more like porn stars, she says, we wouldn’t feel ashamed of our bodies and we would embrace our sexual selves. Emulating porn stars would save us from routine missionary position- lights out sex, claims the author.

I personally am totally uninterested in sex for the sake of sex. I am looking for the big bang for my buck, actually making love to someone who loves me, tolerates my bad moods and bad behavior, stands behind me when I am falling. Even the most garden variety of that sex would win out over any rolicking ride ’em cowgirl sex with someone I will never see again.

Here is the critical link we are missing about sex today- it was actually made for love.