According to recent research American heterosexual sex lasts only 7.3 minutes on average. What's the rush, people? If we compare sex to dining, Americans are the sexual equivalent of a fast food joint- an In-N-Out, if you will.
Sex, like food, is supposed to be savored. It should be a four course meal.
You don’t just walk into a fancy restaurant and demand your main course. You take your time. Why is that only 29% of women report always reaching orgasm during sex compared to that of 75% of men? This could have to do with the duration of sex. It makes sense that less women report reaching orgasm if it takes someone with a vulva 10 to 20 minutes to reach orgasm on average, versus that of a someone with a penis (For people with penises, the average time between first penetration and orgasm is two and three minutes.)
The Benefits of Slow Sex
If you compare the average duration of sex and the differences in our respective orgasm times, someone is clearly getting the good end of the deal here and it is not those who possess a vagina.
This could be explained by the general lack of education regarding the clitoris in the United States, or it could be due to the male-centric ideas of sexual pleasure that dominated our culture, but slowing down sex could be the answer to many of our socio-cultural gender disparities.
We at Good Clean Love believe in equal pleasure, the concept that sex should be equally satisfying for all individuals involved. In this case, equal pleasure means taking your time. And guess what? Slowing down your sex life: being more intimate, lengthening foreplay, varying your sexual positions, playing with toys and lube… it enhances the experience for everyone involved!
Equality among individuals is conducive to more positive, fulfilling and functional relationships. In almost every study, both men and women report wishing their sex lasted longer. Contrary to harmful stigmas, women can enjoy sex just as much men and men crave romantic attention just as much as women.
Slow sex, like slow food, could be a part of the movement towards a longer lasting, more sustainable, holistic approach to living life. Thinking of sex as more of an experience and less of an act is crucial in comprehending sensuality and sexuality. So let’s take a little lesson from the tortoise and the hare and turn this fast-food sex into a fine dining experience. Interested in slowing down your more intimate moments?
Six Tricks to Help Get You There
1. Play with Scents
Why does it work? Scents stimulate the limbic brain which is associated with memory, sexuality, and emotion. The limbic system appears to be primarily responsible for our emotional life, and has a lot to do with the formation of memories
Slowing things down by focusing on scents before and du ring sex could trigger arousal and make the experience more memorable for you and your partner.
Although, be cautious of what scents you are choosing. More than 95 percent of the chemicals in synthetic fragrances are derived from petrochemicals. Avoid artificial scents and look for all natural choices.
2. Use Lube in Unexpected Ways
Experiment with alternative uses for lube by putting it in unexpected places. For example, look to the natural curves of your partner’s body – their neck, their lower back, hips, or inner thighs. These extra few minutes of play will lengthen the duration of sex and enhance the experience.
3. Play Hard to Get
There's nothing like adding a little suspense to heighten the experience and slow things down. The classic game of playing hard to get and making your partner wait for their climax is another trick to having slow sex. The practice of "edging", or "orgasm training", adds more time to your foreplay and lengthens the time leading up to orgasm, leading to a more heightened experience for you and your partner.
4. Make Eye Contact
Incorporating eye contact to your sex is another easy trick to having slow sex. Eye contact is a gesture of respect, understanding, and interest.
Looking at another person is a way of getting feedback on particular points. It is also used as a synchronizing signal. Take some moments to lock eyes and hold the eye contact for sexier engagement. Not only will this add some time to your routine, you can connect with your partner in a more meaningful way.
5. Spend More Time Kissing
Ever heard of a philematologist? Well, they are scientists who study kissing and they have found some pretty cool science to back why everyone should spend more time making out.
Kissing can reduce blood pressure, burns calories and increases levels of your “feel-good” chemicals serotonin, dopamine, and oxytocin in your brain. Check out this article, 8 health benefits of kissing, to learn more.
Mix up your normal routine by spending more time making out during sex. Find fun ways to enhance your kisses for example using all natural love oils on your lips on the body.
6. Focus on Your Breathing
Another tip on how to have slow sex is mastering breathing techniques in the bedroom. This can be key to lengthening the duration of your sex because it can help you last longer.
Taking deep breaths can improve your chances of having slow sex because it increases oxygen levels in the blood which promotes relaxation throughout the body. Practice taking some deep breaths whenever you get caught up in the moment to refocus your energy to avoid premature ejaculation.