Good Clean Reads

A long holiday weekend is a great time to consider staying in to create your own fireworks. As much as sexuality floods the media, many couples are hard pressed to find the time and attention that a healthy and vital intimate life demands. 

Most of what matters and gets better in life happens through education. Yet remarkably, when it comes to sex, many people were not only deprived sexual education in their youth but have carried the “ignorance is bliss” approach way too long into adulthood. In fact, when it comes to cultivating and sustaining an erotic life, persisting in not knowing may well be the kiss of death. 

1. The truth is that intimacy begets intimacy. Studies support the strong correlation between healthy relationships and the frequency of sex. Sexual intimacy acts as the glue in long-term relationships, like pouring cement into a foundation inspiring a deep union that paves the way for more emotional closeness and richer communication. 2. Communication issues are often at the heart of a relationship impasse. This is because we all mistakenly believe that we can tell someone how things are. Truly successful communication actually takes place in listening, which is a cornerstone of healthy communication in relationships. Listening is such a powerful form of communication that most people cannot tell it apart from feeling loved. 3.

Evolve your thinking. Your thoughts are the blueprint for your life and control your relationship in many ways you may not recognize. Be confident that your partner knows what you are thinking, even when you don’t say it. We often take ourselves and our relationships for granted, or conversely, take it all too seriously. Our negative thoughts unwittingly hold our relationships hostage, giving a lot of power to our unspoken doubts.

Committing to move towards a more comfortable relationship with your erotic self is a resolution that anyone can make and one which will heal so many aspects of life, so it is worth a try.  Closing off from our erotic tendencies shuts down all kinds of receiving and giving capacity.

I witness the generation gap widening at home everyday, regardless of my relentless efforts to get my teenagers to communicate. They still mostly pick up the phone when I call (because that was the agreement we made years ago when I said I would pay the bill) but they are short now - often missing the call altogether, only to shoot me a short text of their whereabouts and time of arrival. 

Much of the art of love lives within our ability to access and expand our capacity for sexual desire and arousal. There is probably no more deeply vulnerable act of...

We have known for decades that babies will not thrive without physical holding and affection. There is little that will comfort and settle small children as much as the warm embrace of their family. Yet it is still not uncommon for parents to stop hugging their kids as they reach puberty. And for many adults, the amount of physical nurturing we receive declines as we age, even as medical studies confirm that the health benefits of physical touch extend throughout our lives.   

I am not sure if it is a primarily Western mentality that presumes that life will be easy, and as an extension it will require little effort. In fact, we belittle work as an encumbrance, instead of recognizing it for the value it brings to who we become as people. This phenomenon is true in many places in life, but none so much as in the world of relating.