by Wendy Strgar September 28, 2006
It is hard to love anyone, when you are feeling no love for yourself. There are a million and one reasons that we all have every day to be disappointed with events and people around us. It is not unusual to be in a circumstance where you feel like a victim of someone else’s doings… Inevitably, this becomes some kind of negative self talk that separates you from everyone- even the people you really love.
I have learned to tell my kids that I am not able to communicate in any positive way right now, and they have learned to go away for a bit. It’s definitely more peaceable than the old days when the feelings of self loathing and betrayal were so large in me, that I could do nothing but explode. I am trying to learn how to live with the mistakes I make and not take out the feelings on those around me. Tonight the task feels monumental.
For the first fifteen years of marriage, I expected my husband to somehow make me feel better when the demons of my own mind took over. Often that was from some experience which made me feel like I had lost control. I would be so mean to him because he couldn’t fix the problem. It took years for me to understand that the problem wasn’t something external to fix, but rather learning how to live in myself, with myself.
I have been training to be observant and conscious about how I am thinking because I am trying to build a love business and be a loveologist. This is the way of the warrior, mindfulness, and ultimately the only loving, kind thing we can do for ourselves in the world. I am able on some days to stay with the process and watch. But some nights, its just too much, better to go to bed and try again tomorrow.
by Wendy Strgar May 22, 2018
There is no time like long summer nights to cultivate our uniquely, profoundly human capacity for pleasure, especially sexual pleasure. Our pleasure response transforms our relationship to each other and even to life itself. Focusing on pleasure not only changes how we see our opportunities for intimate connection, but also invites us into a deeper relationship with our erotic soul.
by Wendy Strgar May 17, 2018
It becomes hard to trust your own thinking when nothing seems to be working. The space between how I thought it would go and how it is going seems to widen in front of my eyes. Maybe most difficult of all is how often the undesirable outcomes around us spill over into our relationships, both at home and at work. An errant comment too easily turns into an argument. I become blind to my impact on people around me, caught up in the unresolved problems surrounding me. During times like these, we often underestimate the power of the choices we make and how it can create a path back towards what’s working or down the slippery slope of self-destruction, which my husband affectionately calls “flirting with the gutter.”
Here is my short list to making it better when it isn’t working at all. Each one helps you do the next one, so start at the beginning and work your way down.
by Wendy Strgar May 03, 2018