“What we learn with pleasure we never forget.” Alfred Mercier
In our culture, so focused on instant gratification, it is easy to lose sight of what creates a long-lasting and deeply healing experience of pleasure. While instant gratification does feed our brains with a dopamine response, making us constantly want more, the deep experience of true pleasure resets the chemical balances in the brain and body towards centeredness. Sadly, many of the things we use to get instant satisfaction, whether drugs, alcohol or food can be harmful on repeat—but true pleasure does not cause harm. More profoundly, real pleasure is an act of forgiveness both internally and in our relationships—it heals the past in the present, releasing us into a new way of seeing ourselves and the potential in our life.
Experiencing Genuine Pleasure
While often overlooked, perhaps the singular most healthy and distinguishing aspect of our humanity is our universal urge towards seeking pleasure. In fact, when we discover and explore what gives us pleasure, we are also growing and evolving into better versions of ourselves. This developmental aspect of true pleasure is what distinguishes it from the more common experience of addictions and compulsions that we often begin in the misguided desire for pleasure but that can easily come to rule our life. Yet when we look closer, we know that our addictions are not really compatible with the evolving drive of pleasure as they are with our powerful drive to become numb and escape our lives. Even the pleasurable moments when first introduced to alcohol or drug use isn’t seeking pleasure as much as it is responding to a dare and then quickly erodes into a self-medicated exit from our own hearts and lives.
We know that these addictions have nothing to do with our capacity for pure pleasure because at the heart of it is our willingness to give our full attention to our sensory experience. Pleasure is at once some of the most memorable and deeply healing moments we can claim. Leaning towards real pleasure heals us on a biochemical level by balancing the powerful neurochemicals that predict our moods and act as natural stress relievers. Many studies document the natural increases in serotonin, oxytocin, dopamine and endorphins which are generated by a wide range of pleasurable experiences. Unlike most addictions that cleave us from our ability to be present to the moment and ourselves, real pleasure brings us deeper into our reality than anything else.
Pleasure and Personal Growth
Learning to feel pleasure begins with cultivating our capacity to experience the world through our senses. Sensuality is really nothing more than connecting to your senses deeply. And it is in the smallest of sensations that this practice comes alive. But often in our day-to-day lives, we lose touch with the physical sensations of life, especially, and most interestingly, when we are in the midst of intense emotions. Yet these are precisely the times when stopping and feeling what is happening in our body is most instructive.
Emotional Awareness: We can begin to pay attention to how sadness feels in our heart, or anxiety in our gut. We can also become aware of the real experience of how anger tastes in our mouth or how our ears ring when we feel betrayed. Trusting our senses in our emotional life is the bridge to experiencing pleasure in our sexual life, and to distinguishing true pleasure from fleeting gratification.
Mind-Body Connection: By tuning into our physical sensations, we develop a deeper connection with our body. Notice the warmth of the sun on your skin, the taste of your food, or the sound of the wind. Gradually, this practice will help you become more attuned to your body and emotions, paving the way for greater personal growth and true pleasure.
By embracing the practice of sensuality, we open ourselves to a richer, more fulfilling experience of life. This mindful approach helps us navigate our emotions more effectively and enjoy deeper, more meaningful connections with ourselves and others.
The Science of Pleasure
Understanding the science behind pleasure can help us appreciate its importance and harness its benefits more effectively. Here's a look at some of the key neurochemicals involved:
1. Dopamine: Dopamine is often referred to as the "feel-good" neurotransmitter. It plays a key role in the reward system of the brain, reinforcing behaviors that bring us pleasure. However, it's important to seek pleasure in healthy ways that sustain long-term well-being rather than relying on short-term fixes.
2. Serotonin: Serotonin is crucial for mood regulation and overall well-being. Activities that increase serotonin levels, such as exposure to sunlight, exercise, and positive social interactions, can enhance our sense of happiness and contentment.
3. Oxytocin: Known as the "love hormone," oxytocin is released during physical touch, bonding, and intimacy. It helps build trust and deepen connections with others. Prioritize activities that foster physical closeness and emotional intimacy to boost oxytocin levels.
4. Endorphins: Endorphins are natural painkillers produced by the body. They are released during physical activity, laughter, and moments of intense pleasure. Incorporating regular exercise and laughter into your life can help maintain high endorphin levels, reducing stress and promoting well-being.
Building Deeper Connection Through Pleasure
Nowhere does pleasure translate so immediately into healing our lives as it does in our bedroom. Sexual pleasure-seeking creates positive emotional and mental states as well as a physical release of stress, tension, and even the trauma our bodies store in our cells. Here are some mindful techniques to enhance your intimate experiences and build a deeper connection with your partner:
1. Synchronize Your Breath: Align your breathing with your partner's. Feel the rhythm of their breath and let it guide you into a state of deeper connection and relaxation. This synchronization creates a shared rhythm that can deepen your bond and enhance mutual awareness.
2. Savor Their Scent: Inhale the rich, unique scent of your partner. Scents can trigger powerful emotional responses and heighten your sense of intimacy. The familiar smell of your partner can bring a sense of comfort and closeness, anchoring you in the present moment.
3. Feel the Sensations: As you touch your partner, focus on the sensations beneath your fingertips. The warmth of their skin, the softness or firmness of their body—these tactile experiences ground you in the present moment. Notice the textures and temperatures, and let yourself be fully immersed in the physical connection.
4. Communicate Actively: Pay attention to your partner's words, tone, and body language. Active communication involves truly listening, responding thoughtfully, and expressing yourself honestly.
5. Maintain Eye Contact: Keep your eyes open and focus on your partner. Eye contact can be incredibly intimate and can strengthen your emotional connection. Through your gaze, you can convey trust, love, and desire, making your interactions more meaningful.
6. Taste Each Other: Explore your partner through kisses. A kiss can be an eloquent form of communication, expressing emotions and desires that are difficult to articulate. The agile tongue can speak volumes, and tasting your partner can create a deep, primal connection.
Enhance Your Intimacy With Sustainable Practices
Living deeply in our bodies, whether by fully engaging our senses or through the profound experience of sexual intimacy, reinforces our ability to achieve lasting and transformative fulfillment. The efforts of real pleasure-seeking pay off in both positive emotional and mental states. It creates the physical release of stress, tension, and even previous trauma stored in us on a cellular level, and orgasmic pleasure is the most transformational of all. Having the courage to lean towards this ultimate and most highly coveted pleasure release requires that we release the shame and fear that prevent us from experiencing our bodies in this deeply vibrational capacity.
Pleasure provides a gateway to the sensation of pure energy awakening within us, offering a fleeting glimpse of enlightenment. Our sense of time and space transforms during these deeply intimate moments, where the courage to be completely open and vulnerable within someone else's experience is rewarded with the boldest form of bliss. Choosing the path of genuine delight over mere gratification begins with attuning to our senses and fully embracing the richness of the present moment. This journey not only deepens our connections with others but also brings us closer to our truest selves, fostering a life of authentic and meaningful satisfaction.
