Good Clean Reads

Lubrication is one of the simplest and most effective ways to make intimacy more enjoyable. And even though our bodies naturally produce lubrication, it isn’t always enough. Hormonal changes, stress, medication, or simply wanting a little more glide are all good reasons to reach for lube!

“The only thing worthy of you is compassion -invincible, limitless, unconditional.” -Thich Nhat Hanh

A comment on a recent positivity post came to mind today when I was watching the tragic post-earthquake unfold in Haiti. A reader wrote in and said that all the positivity babble in the world won’t change the suffering in the world one iota. The positivity quest is no different than Dale...

“Associate with men of good quality if you esteem your own reputation; for it is better to be alone than in bad company.” –George Washington

Scientific research has demonstrated that just one person’s negative energy can significantly reduce the productivity in a work group. Likewise, when one person in a couple consistently is negative, it is very difficult for the relationship to thrive. The...

“Men’s natures are alike; it is their habits that separate them.” Confucius

The habits we form in life tend to form us. Our lives and the behaviors that shape them tend to be habitual. Partly because we like consistency and because change is challenging our habits start to resemble our personalities or maybe our personalities are really just a bundle of our most dedicated habits. I have read that...

“Even if you have made mistakes, there is always another chance for you. You may have a fresh start any moment you choose, for this thing we call ‘failure’ is not the falling down, but the staying down.” -Mary Pickford

Now that I have managed to really listen to the words I am saying, the next logical step is to listen one step back to the thoughts. Not saying the negative thing is an...

“No human thing is of serious importance.” -Plato “The Republic”

It is the small things in our days that open us to both the breakthroughs and breakdowns in positivity. I love lazy Saturday mornings when I can wake up when my body is ready and leisurely choose among the activities that I know make me feel good. This morning was easy and as I moved from exercise to meditation, gratitude and...

‘And in the end, the love we take is equal to the love we make�’ -The Beatles

This year we prepare for Valentine’s Day with the aspiration of Love for All. The world is demanding that we wake up and realize that the most important thing we have to discover in ourselves is our capacity to love. Sometimes the most challenging work we undertake is following through with our promises to love, other...

“Practice means to perform, over and over again in the face of all obstacles, some act of vision, of faith, of desire. Practice is a means of inviting the perfection desired.” Martha Graham

Today is Day One of my wristband experiment. The wristband is used as a physical reminder to keep track of all the negative thoughts coming out of my mouth. Each time you witness yourself saying, or more...

“So often times it happens, we all live our life in chains, and we never even know we have the key.” ~The Eagles, “Already Gone”

Today I realized that the weakest link in my positivity quest turns out to be in how I talk, which is not a small hurdle, given that I talk a lot. Now that I am on the positivity quest, everyone around me feels free to point out the negativity that flows freely out of...

“In all our searching, the only thing we’ve found that makes the emptiness bearable is each other.”– ‘Contact’

For a loveologist, everything is about the relationship. It is the first thing I notice in any given situation and the thing that I most work to cultivate. How I feel about myself and the world starts and ends with the myriad relationships that make my days. This can be hard on my positivity quest as many of my relationships are not predictable or stable. (Think teenagers, although babies and midlife crisis and aging would probably all fit the bill as well). Still, my life gets breath and meaning from relating. I believe that my ability to relate provides the truest reflection and for better or worse acts as the barometer of my days.

I remember once reading something that struck me early in my marriage when things were challenging for us and I often wondered why I wanted to be married so much to begin with. The quote as best I can remember it said “choose your partner wisely, for it will create 90% of the joy or sorrow of your life.” Having been married now for more than half my life, I would have to say that it is more true than not. When things are working between us, my life also works. When things are not working- so goes my life.