The V-Word

“The supreme happiness of life is the conviction that we are loved – loved for ourselves, or rather in spite of ourselves.” -Victor Hugo

Here is a truism to hang your hat on. We are all imperfect human beings working at making lives together with more or less skill. We make messes of our situation routinely and we hurt each other unintentionally, well and maybe intentionally sometimes. Yet we all...

This is my fifteen-year-old son’s favorite expression of late. It applies to everything from the right snack selection to a teacher’s grading system. Sometimes it also applies to the meaning that I try to live: about being authentic with the people that mean the most to us.

Authentic communication requires vigilance and presence. Slipping into habitual behaviors that offer protection and cover is...

Avoiding emotional escalation with your partner is an excellent and often successful way to invite a loving passionate response. It is so easy to get caught up in each other’s bad moods that not doing it takes real effort and clarity. Habitual patterns of negative communication feed on each other. One person makes a sniping comment, volley and return with the other person’s pent up rage. Throw a...

We all love to be loved. We long to be touched and our basic human drives towards physical pleasure is almost as strong as our drive to alleviate hunger or thirst. It may even be stronger, as it has been demonstrated that babies who are provided basic needs but are not touched and handled do not survive. It is central to our functioning and yet often in direct conflict with the relationships that...

It is a great gift in life to act, to give, to learn, to love without needing any recognition. Tonight was the awards ceremony at the local high school where like in all the high schools across the country, the same 15 kids were recognized over and over for achievements in sports, academics and volunteering. When you aren’t one of the 15, you can’t help feeling at least a little invisible. My...

Working on a relationship when it hits rock bottom has little chance of success, a fact that is not surprising, but was recently proven in research studies. By the time that you have nothing left to say to your partner, reversing the negative spin in your relationship takes such significant effort that few people have the courage to try it.

Just like tending a garden, working at your relationship...

Here is a lesson that I learned again about keeping love sustainable in life. Most of the arguments that break a relationship exist for the life of the relationship. The big three that most of us deal with in some form or another are money, sex and family. In addition there are qualities of a relationship that often create real conflict as well- mutual respect, need for personal space,...

Here is a fact about eagles that inspires me to believe in love. As eagles prepare to mate, they lock talons and free fall through the sky. It is a do or die proposition, as it is with us humans, or at least it feels that way as we project ourselves forward, heart wide open, hoping to be loved back.  This act of free falling can be seen as a love metaphor for emotional intimacy, where vulnerability and trust are essential. I don’t know if there is a sign that the eagles give each other so they know the...

I was happy to learn that the Sun is here to stay in all its radiance for another 5 billion years. That even as we are unsure about the land formations that will remain and how we will ensure enough drinking water for the population, I feel somehow reassured to know that the sun will rise and set as it always has, reminding us that there is always another day to try again.

The heat and power that...