What Kind of Lube Should I Use?
Lubrication is one of the simplest and most effective ways to make intimacy more enjoyable. And even though our bodies naturally produce lubrication, it isn’t always enough. Hormonal changes, stress, medication, or simply wanting a little more glide are all good reasons to reach for lube!
Intimate Ecology: How the Four Elements Shape Your Relationship
For close to two decades now, I have been writing and teaching about how our understanding of sustainability applies to our most important relationships. In much the same way that we have come to understand how conserving and sustaining our current resources wisely applies to the way that we build our homes, cultivate our food, and engage in transport, we must also be committed to preserving and sustaining the vital intimate relationships that are the fabric of our lives.
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Learning to Rest
We are in a state of worldwide rest. Nearly four billion people, or half of the world’s population, are on some sort of stay-at-home order. In this unprecedented time – as we bear witness to what most of us thought impossible – we have a chance to really learn what rest can offer us. Even as the anxiety of world markets accelerates and the weight of our collective capacity to weather the economic ravages of this pause weighs heavily, we all remain suspended in a springtime slowdown.
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7 Steps to Pleasure: A Guide to Reaching Your Orgasmic Potential
Mastering the Mystery of Orgasm Series – Week 3 Voltaire once said, “Pleasure is the object, duty and the goal of all rational creatures.” And truly, regardless of the many...
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Enhancing Intimate Intimacy: Tips for Relationship Enhancement
During this great pandemic slowdown, statistics show that our sex lives are also slowing down – from both a ban on new sex partners, and the ways that surging anxiety and depression impacts our libido and ability to connect. Depression and intimacy issues are common, yet, for all kinds of health reasons there might be no better time to focus on our ability to both give and receive pleasure from our partner than right now. I have long grappled with the dismal statistic that the average amount of foreplay that couples engage in is between one and four minutes.
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The Anatomy of Pleasure
The place to begin in the mysterious journey to orgasm begins with a better understanding of our anatomy. For people with vaginas, the discovery of the complex and powerful organ system of the clitoris wasn’t revealed until 1998 when an Australian urologist, Helen O’Connell completed a series of MRI studies and named 18 different parts of the clitoral structure which previously had only been known as the external glans. It turns out that two-thirds of our sexual power is internal. I was close to 40 years old before I understood the connection between what was happening inside and outside my vagina in sex.
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Naming the Feeling of Orgasm
What is an orgasm and what does it feel like? What happens when the body takes over in ecstatic release? How do we live in that body and conjure the moments that resemble a kind of grace that is bestowed? We know we didn’t make something happen so much as let something happen in us. Anais Nin once described her orgasm like this: “Electric flesh-arrows ... traversing the body. A rainbow of color strikes the eyelids. A foam of music falls over the ears….”
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Learning to Receive Love
There might not be a more powerful way to transform your life right now than by learning to receive love. Especially in these days of quarantine, when we are confined not only with our intimate others, but even more so with ourselves. All of our tricks of distraction and avoidance are no longer available in this present. The secret we have guarded so well, that has been buried so long, is now butting its head through the cracks that this new COVID-19 reality has generated.
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Everything You Need to Know About Postpartum Itch
After nine months of waiting, your baby is finally here. You’re probably feeling a lot of different things – overjoyed, freaked out, and everything in between. On one hand, you made a person! On the other hand, your postpartum body may feel unfamiliar. You’re probably tired and still in some pain. And if you had a vaginal birth? Well, your vagina may look and feel like a stranger.
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De-escalating at Home
Here’s the thing about people, even those we love: They are annoying. I tell people this regularly and they laugh; sometimes a nervous laugh, but more often a knowing laugh. We laugh together out of relief, too. It’s not just you or me. Let's face it, collectively we are all pretty annoying.
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