One of the most powerful, yet rarely considered gifts we bring to our capacity for love is right in our hands; literally. Nowhere is this perhaps more true than in the manner in which we touch each other intimately.

It is not an exaggeration to say that 2020 has been a difficult year for everyone. We’re experiencing the global pandemic in ways that are unique to each of us, and it can feel exhausting to live and just be among all the uncertainty. As a result, it is common to feel unmotivated, tapped out, or not in control of your life. For those of us experiencing this struggle, I have some good news: you can see real and significant change with even the smallest steps, as long as they’re done consistently. 

The novel coronavirus, aka COVID-19, has been going strong since the beginning of 2020. It’s required a lot of people to sacrifice going out and about, particularly if they are immuno-compromised or are otherwise sensitive to getting the virus. In some parts of the United States, restrictions have been lifted in regards to resuming normal life, but many states are seeing a rise in cases. This means your traditional date night options may be limited.

There is no time like long summer nights to cultivate the uniquely, profoundly human capacity for pleasure, especially sexual pleasure. Our pleasure response transforms our relationship to each other and even to life itself.  Focusing on pleasure not only changes how we see our opportunities for intimate connection but also invites us into a deeper relationship with our erotic soul.

I have had sex thousands of times with the same man. We have been married for close to four decades. Our sex life has been the blessing that has kept us working through the challenges and that, even now, makes our shared grief digestible. Of all of the skills I have developed over the years of building Good Clean Love, sustaining our sexual life, growing up erotically, and sharing intimacy over the span of decades is why I keep writing these columns.

The most important lesson I have learned throughout all my spiritual searching and study is how many forms of healing occur within prayers of gratitude. Unlike the thank you notes that follow a gift exchange, these prayers to feel into gratitude are entirely visceral. Prayer is often misunderstood as a kind of asking for something you do not already have, when in truth prayerful gratitude is a deep recognition of all that we have already been given. Feeling into this kind of gratitude in the body is how we sense our belonging; not only to ourselves, but more essentially to all that makes every breath possible. It is the kind of deep remembering of just how many things are working on your behalf all the time. It is how you feel when you look to the sky and really see the blueness of it. 

For close to two decades now, I have been writing and teaching about how our understanding of sustainability applies to our most important relationships. In much the same way that we have come to understand how conserving and sustaining our current resources wisely applies to the way that we build our homes, cultivate our food, and engage in transport, we must also be committed to preserving and sustaining the vital intimate relationships that are the fabric of our lives.