Good Clean Reads

Lubrication is one of the simplest and most effective ways to make intimacy more enjoyable. And even though our bodies naturally produce lubrication, it isn’t always enough. Hormonal changes, stress, medication, or simply wanting a little more glide are all good reasons to reach for lube!

This is an ongoing decision/issue for me and my husband, and I think we are not alone. What to do with the exhaustion level that we often bring into our intimate interactions is a significant problem for a growing population. Giving up sex for sleep is a good idea when you are just too tired to imagine sex. But if this becomes the routine, then we lose the powerful source of vitality that comes...

“The best work is done with the heart breaking, or overflowing.”–M. McLaughlin

There are days, and well, sadly, sometimes weeks when there just simply isn’t enough energy, resources or time to take care of the relationships and people you should be loving the most. Careers and work goals, children and social commitments, inner work and incomplete personal transitions…on any given day, we work...

In a little clapboard farmhouse in New Bedford, NY, a dominatrix reigned. The website www.sovereignestate.com (the site is no longer up) described her activities “Situated on four private acres, in a century old stately manor, here life is devoted to female superiority, proper training and etiquette for the betterment of men.” Her alphabetical list of activities she enjoyed included blindfolds,...

It is the small things in life that teach us the most. Often it is the moments that we least recognize as remarkable that have the power to change our lives. Lately I am making a point of looking at the eyes, the facial expression of the people I am talking to. It is amazing how that changes what I hear. Maybe it even changes what they can say.

I am trying to remember my friend telling me how she...

I have been feeling like something has been broken inside for a couple of months now. For a while it showed itself in a variety of back and neck ailments, but lately it is more diffuse and more amorphous. Sometimes it is a physical sensation, but just as frequently it is a visceral experience of being overwhelmed and exhausted. The drive part of me is stalled.

In part at least, it is impossible...

“A kiss that speaks volumes is seldom a first edition.” -Claire Whiting

Kissing is not only an important art form in intimacy, but also and more importantly a form of conversation. It can act like a comma, an exclamation or a question mark, but rarely is it as misunderstood as our spoken language. What we tell our partners with our kisses, their frequency, their depth, their vulnerability is...

The NPR story on the Art of Aging marks another rung on my ladder of Making Love Sustainable. According to Dr. Sherwin Nuland, a professor at Yale University’s Medical School, the three most important factors to graceful aging are: a consistent exercise program, tapping into creative impulses, and sustaining the intimate relationships that make life meaningful.

Nuland admitted he used to focus...

It’s that time of year again, the flu in sixteen varieties is floating around seemingly everywhere. This is just a reminder that in addition to some robust multi-vitamins, herbal teas and throat lozenges, please consider the power of love to heal. Love and intimacy are some of life’s all-time best cures for just about anything that ails you.

If you don’t believe me, I refer you to Dean Ornish’s...

This week I had a near miss. The gynecologist’s office called to have me redo my mammogram because there was a lump present. Every woman’s worst nightmare and one that becomes a life transformation for one out of seven. After a few harrowing hours I learned that it was benign. A new lease on life. The sky seemed bigger and the relationships that define my life so much more precious.

Valentine’s...