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Making Love Sustainable

"We've got this gift of love, but love is like a precious plant. You can't just accept it and leave it in the cupboard, or just think it's going to get on by itself. You gotta keep watering it. You've got to really look after it and nurture it." -John Lennon
  • 3 min read
It was almost a year ago that I got word that my book, Sex that Works, was accepted for publication by Sounds True. Initially, I had offered that the subtitle of the book should be Learning to Feel, which instead became the introduction. It could have been the entire book, because no matter what aspect of our life we ponder- whether we are thinking about work, family, or our social or intimate life- what we refuse to feel keeps us separate from what we know to be true and affects how we can connect...
  • 3 min read
Remember the cry Do-Over? It was how we got back to center when we played street games as a kid. Something was amiss and either side could call it, and although it didn’t promise any specific outcome, the ability to start again from a place everyone agreed was fair made any outcome reasonable. And while most of us can’t just call a do-over on most of what happens from one day to the next, it’s a worthwhile spirit to cultivate as we begin a new year...
  • 3 min read
I have always been restless and prone to being busy. I love my work and have for so long confused who I am with what I do that most days I find myself doing from dawn until late into the night. Consequently, it has taken me years to learn the true value of rest...
  • 3 min read
One of my son’s most common refrains to me of late is “do less, Mom…” It is hard advice for me to take- I am a doer, arguably an over-doer. It is how I have come to know myself and, more addictively, how I fill up the space inside of me that I don’t want to feel. And yet, I know that Luke- now 21- is onto something...
  • 3 min read

I believe the most generous thing we can offer anyone is our undivided attention. With the holiday season upon us, it is a great time to reconsider what matters most in our gift-giving rituals. Let's dig into three simple ways to bring your full presence to those you love. 

  • 3 min read
sex education

“Education is not preparation for life; education is life itself.” –John Dewey

Understanding what it means to have a sexually healthy life is a question that most people face throughout their life and relationship cycles, and for good reason. Human sexuality is among the most powerful and mysterious aspects of our personality. Without learning a basic vocabulary to describe what motivates and...

  • 3 min read
sexual abuse

“Healing is a matter of time, but it is sometimes also a matter of opportunity.” – Hippocrates

I spent five years writing a book about how to make sex work in your life, but pretty much since its publication, almost all of the conversations I have are about the sex that permeates our lives that doesn’twork. The unfolding revelations about rampant sexual abuses began with the brave and bold and...

  • 3 min read

“The roots of all goodness lie in the soil of appreciation for goodness.” – Dalai Lama

I once had a friend who for many years taught me volumes about gratitude, while also teaching me quite a bit about my own capacity for envy. At first glance, it may have been her inherited wealthy lifestyle or seemingly effortless marriage, or her devoted relationships with her loving mother and sister… There...

  • 3 min read

“Speak your mind, even if your voice shakes.” Maggie Kuhn

What remains unsaid in us remains alive. It is the trauma that we cannot acknowledge that burrows deeper inward, sapping our ability to trust ourselves as well as our capacity to connect to others. And among the traumas we experience, sexual abuses are one of the most potent in the ways that it imprints on our memory. This is why Beverly...

  • 3 min read

“I disapprove of what you say, but I will defend to the death your right to say it.” Evelyn Beatrice Hall

Last night I had a book reading for Sex that Works. It was a small gathering as it is really hard to get people out of their cozy homes on a rainy Sundayevening. But inviting people who know me through social media isn’t an option to get the word out either – Facebook’s Zero Tolerance policy...

  • 3 min read

“Life shrinks or expands in proportion to one’s courage.”  Anais Nin

For my birthday this year, the only thing I wished for was a few moments of pure happiness. I wanted, neededto feel the simple joy of being alive and living in a body at this moment. And so I took an impromptu trip to Hawaii with my husband — for as long as I can remember, Hawaii is the only place that I have traveled to that I...

  • 3 min read